Trusting the timing and process of life is the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my 28 years of life so far. Easier said than done, especially when it feels like nothing is going the way it’s supposed to. You do and try, and keep trying so much, and it feels like the universe is playing a mean trick on you.
The only certain thing is
You can′t always get what you want
But if you try sometime, you might find
You get what you need
(& the process.)
Zooming out.
I get caught staring at one moment like it makes up the entire story. If I zoom out–like way out–life is more like a novel. And I’m just in a scene. Some chapters are slow, confusing, painful as hell, and they still matter. Most of the time it’s those scenes that mattered the most. Everything will make sense in hindsight. If this is a transition chapter, what might it be leading to?
Following the breadcrumbs.
I always wanted to plan my whole path. Ever since I was a young girl I had my entire life planned out. In school, during university. I really let go of this plan when I got my degree and had both feet in the new adult world. In reality, I’m taking steps, even when I can’t see the final destination. Clarity comes after action, never before.
Choosing the struggle.
My brain switched when I realised I’m too grown to be crashing out about everything all the time. When I tell you I stressed out about everything, I mean every thing. Why do I do this to myself? I’m overly anxious and there are plenty of people developing auto immune diseases from stress. I need to relax. I need to create solutions and forget the stress. That’s the lesson.
Flipping the reaction.
To things not going the way I expect, not getting the treatment I desire. I need to look at these things as a reflection of the lessons I’m supposed to realise. We’re all inherently worthy; from the moment we are born there is no person that is more or less worthy, special or valuable than someone else. I want to look at my circumstances and everything around in life as what kind of lessons I am taking, and where I am not nurturing myself enough. I need to stop thinking that with negative things happening, the world is somehow against me. Worthiness is not something I have to gain, it’s something I have to remember.
Everything has a season.
Not everything can be rushed. I can’t force spring in the middle of winter. Sometimes I’m just supposed to rest, heal, or learn something quietly before I can get active. This quiet season isn’t a waste, but a foundation.
Timelines are made up.
Comparison is a liar. My path is mine and it’s not meant to look like anyone else’s. Even when other people make me feel that way in a way or another (Viet aunties and uncles, strangers my age, …). Timing isn’t mine to control. It never will be.
Looking at what’s working.
Even in the messiest moments, something else is growing and working itself out. It might not be what I hoped for, or it might not be complete, or exactly what I need. But life is always teaching me something. And I want to be more grateful for those blessings in disguise.
Borrow belief.
When I can’t do it alone, and I find it extremely hard to trust the process, I am grateful to know some people who believe in me, strongly and blindly. A friend, a partner, a therapist, a family member. A past version of me that got through something hard. Sometimes faith is a team effort, and knowing who is in your corner changes everything.
With you, not in spite of you.
Life is unfolding with me, not in spite of me. I can cry and scream, be frustrated when I don’t get what I want. Still, I need to be gentle. And patient. Sometimes life is preparing me for something better, and this turned out to be true many times.
All the delays and failures and setbacks might all be part of a bigger plan. One that I can’t see yet, but is there. Every detour has guided me and protected me and moved me. In the future, I’ll look back and realise everything had to happen this way. Ex lovers, ex friends, jobs. Parts of a whole journey.
“Can’t force spring in the middle of winter” is definitely going to stay with me for a while. Thank you for writing this.
This is the best thing ive ever read omg.