shut up! you're the only one that knows you
on self respect, knowing your truth & letting go of control
The reason I cherish my journals so dearly is that there is something liberating about realising that no one else truly knows me. At least not the way I do.
People form opinions all the time, make judgments, sometimes try to dictate how I should live and love, though at the end of the day, they’re only working with a fraction of the story. I have the whole book, written from the one point of view that matters most because I’m the one living it.
On self-respect
I spent so much time looking for validation, worrying about whether I’m understood, feeling like the world is collapsing when I realise I’m being wildly misunderstood. I’m always fighting to prove my worth to people who I find out might never see me clearly, because they can’t or they simply decided that they won’t.
The thing is that it’s exhausting. I want to stop bending to fit the expectations of others, and learn to stand firm in who I am. That’s what self respect is to me: it’s the difference between living authentically and constantly shapeshifting to make others comfortable or feel better.
I wouldn’t say that it’s arrogance; it’s not thinking that I’m better than others or refusing to take advice when I seek it. It’s about knowing my boundaries and recognising when my worth is respected, and not shrinking myself for the sake of approval.
Almost my whole life I’ve allowed other people’s opinions to carry more weight than my own truth. The unfair feeling of it all is making me want to break out of this.
On knowing your truth
I lacked so much self respect that I let other people tell me who I am. And I let them be wrong... and nodded along. Yes, yes, whatever you say, you’ve known me for years, you must be right about me. I don’t recognise myself in your words… but you must know best.
Don’t ever let someone tell you who you are. People will misunderstand me all the time. Some will think I’m too much, others will think little of me, for various reasons that may or may not concern me. They will interpret my actions based on their own experiences, biases, or even insecurities. And is that my problem to fix?
If I explain myself and my truth, my intentions and thoughts, am I being manipulative? Or am I just standing up for myself where it’s true? Do I have to take everything that someone throws at me?
I will probably always try to explain myself, because I’m grateful when other people do, but I think I’m done with over-explaining myself to people who don’t seem to be open and who will believe what they want to believe. I’ve learned recently to let them. It feels unfair and makes my hair stand up everywhere, but what matters essentially is that I know my truth, and it’s not up to me if other people want to know it as well. I know my intentions, my struggles, and my heart alone.
The next time someone tells you about yourself but doesn’t portray a life that you want for yourself, maybe you don’t have to listen to their opinions.
On letting go of control
Because I never had it anyway. This has been a pill I was never comfortable swallowing, ever. I’m a fixer. I’m the type of person to chase you in an argument, wanting so badly to fix our relationship and make peace, or else I’ll die of anxiety. When I respect your space, I’m fighting hard to function regardless. But I learn every time, I can’t control how people see me, what they think of me, or how they will ever respond to me. No matter how strategic I am, how much I explain, how I defend myself, people will still view me through their own lens. I have to learn to be okay with that.
Acceptance is hard when it seems unfair, but I no longer want to waste my energy trying to micromanage how others perceive me, and would rather channel that energy into being a better person tomorrow, and the days after. I want to live on my own terms and focus on my growth without chasing others. I want to make my own peace instead of pulling my teeth trying to gain others’.
I will never be able to control the narrative. But I can live in a way that feels true to me. And those who understand me, will. Those that don’t are frankly no longer my business.
I’ll be more grateful. I won’t focus on things I don’t like. I won’t stay entertained by things that aren’t working. And I’ll figure out how to make other things work around me.
On forgiving yourself
I punished myself for mistakes that I learned from, and suffered consequences of, but the punishment never just stopped there. I’m used to punishing myself more harshly than I would wish on anyone else, in the hopes of proving to myself and others just how bad I feel about making the mistakes. I kept reliving the feelings of shame as if I had made the mistakes not once but a dozen replayed times.
When a child makes a mistake and you call it out for it, and it learns and apologises, do you bring it up to them once and acknowledge their regrets or do you make them feel bad many times after the fact? I hope you wouldn’t, because otherwise it can never move on.
Once you’ve taken responsibility, show yourself that same grace.
On believing
… that everything is working out in your favour.
There will be bumps in the road, but if you’re in the clear with yourself and you can say my heart is pure in this, no matter who or what happens to you, the goodness of your heart will come back for you. In ways you cannot see yet, and in different forms.
Shut up — not because I don’t want to hear you, but because you don’t need to keep beating yourself down to others’ biases, and because you don’t need to explain yourself to people who may never fully understand you.
Walk through life with your head held high, your truth intact, and your peace and heart protected. You’re not here to be defined by others. Whether others see you or not, you’re just supposed to be you.
If you liked this piece:
I used to think clarity meant explaining myself; spelling out my intentions, drawing maps to my heart for anyone who got me wrong. But here’s the truth: some people don’t misunderstand you by accident. They do it because it’s easier than rethinking their assumptions. So now, when someone paints a version of me that doesn’t match who I am, I let them keep it. Why argue when their opinion lives rent-free in their head, not mine? I’m not here to be universally understood. I’m here to live a life that feels right from the inside out. And if that means being a mystery to others, so be it.
Hannah, I want you to know that I’ve come back to read this article 3 times so far, because I keep finding something new about myself in it. I’m so tired of hanging on the perceptions other people have of me to define who I am as a person. All that’s done so far is leave me with is a lack of substance in who I am and regret when I realize I don’t like the version of myself I made to please them.